Eat! Eat! Eat! (Part II)

I can't take these two day-long Thanksgivings. They make my insides aaaccchhhee. Today was more interesting, as I wasn't being dragged all over the house by a five year-old. That must be the only reason I'm here, everyone else gets to sit together and chat about life and love and living in general, and I serve as the distraction for the small children. Like a chew toy. Or a ball of yarn. Or TV. And no one seems to object, but then again, why would they? Afterall, it is the holiday of gluttony and relaxation, and they deserve a break. Surely the college student who sleeps and eats bagel bites all day won't mind if they dump a few children on her.

But that was yesterday.

Today was much much better. Until my uncle tried to bring up Intelligent Design with me. (Backstory: my aunt and uncle are very very Christianey Christians who interpret the bible word for word and lead a simple life in a remote area of northern Michigan, sustaining themselves on a generator and a small garden. Awesome.) Which was awkward as I've been an "Atheist-in-Disguise" for a while and think that Intelligent Design is a pathetic last-ditch effort for the kingdom of the Mega-church to get a hand in the scientific community. But I didn't say that. I could have said that, but I figured it was neither the time nor the place for a fight. And then I left the room for pumpkin pie... mmmm, gourds...

I was watching "Singin' in the Rain" last night, which, by the way, is a terribly wonderful hokey movie that everyone should watch and laugh at at least once before they die. And I thought to myself "Jesus," (because that's how I refer to myself these days)"this is terrible. Life doesn't unfold this way. People don't talk this way. This film does an absolute injustice to the time period that it's trying to capture." Then as I watched more of the onslaught of color and dance, my mind stumbled upon a whole different line of thought: "Jesus, Jesus! What if... just what if movies weren't made to represent the time period. In fact! What if movies were the antithesis of what was occuring during the time! And we should analyze film as a world unto itself, like a reflection in a rippling pool of water! And! What if my right knee cap is actually Henry Kissinger's lost virginity and the entire world has the consistency of creamed corn!" And then I put away the LSD.

The End.

P.S. I'm coming home for Christmas! Or New Years... actually, it will probably be that week or two following New Years where everyone is sitting around being bored as hell and wishing that there was a voluptuously chubby white girl around to entertain them with her whimsical annoyingness. I'll keep you updated. I want to see everyone! Yes, even you!

P.P.S. When is everyone going back to school?