"I always do what I'm doing."
-David Dorrah
Friday, July 29, 2005
Monday, July 18, 2005
The One with all the Anatomy Allusions
Seriously... that last post does not count. Seriously.
Saw "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"... it was... special. I'm glad that I went to see it, but I don't plan on becoming a member of the cult/fan club any time soon. The music was delightfully sinister and the set was... Tim Burton-y. And the rest was crap! No. I kid. Oompa Loompa choreography definitely went up a few notches. But the rest was crap! No. It wasn't really crap. It was at more of a pre-crap level where it's had all of the nutrients extracted from it by the small intestine but was still making its way up the ascending colon.
Anyway...
Why you have to go ruin my low-budget semi-successful 70's acid trip of a movie? Huh? Who you think you are? You think you Jesus or Oprah or someting? *Bitch slaps self out of "exaggerated foreign accent" mode*. Seriously, I want my Wilder back. I want my Wilder and his unkempt hair and his wily ways and his shameless acts of slave labor and the part at the end where everything in the room is sliced in half and no one really gets it, but it's ok because it was the 70's, man.
P.S. Did anyone else feel like the Willy Wonka in the new movie was going to reach out of the screen and touch some unsuspecting 8 year-old boy in his "bathing suit region"?
But I'm not done yet!
Ok. Yes I am.
... not!
Hahahaha... eh... he... I need to stop hanging out with 6 year-olds. For that is what I have become... *dramatic moment*... the "baby-sitter". I hang out with younglings and keep them from cutting up leather couches and breaking pianos and killing themselves. And after they have left, their whining still lingers in my mind, weaving its wicked way over my myelin insulation and I find myself saying things like "dude" and "sweet" and... "wicked". And then I rip my small intestine out of my belly button and fashion myself a trusty noose.
And now I volunteer at the SPCA. Which is delightfully rewarding. It gives me a greater respect for all of God's creatures... as well as the copious amounts of feces that come out of that place everyday. By the bucket. By the wheel barrow. Everyday! And of course the waste water treatment plant is only a stone's throw away! Oh sweet irony, take me home!
And women are evil. Ok. All people are a little bit evil (regardless of gender, race, etc. etc.), but women can take the act of plotting and backstabbing to a whole new level. For us, it is an art. And then there's the gaggle of women-folk reading this right now, and reassuring themselves that I am wrong and attention-starved and just pulling shit out of the air. And they're right! But they're also jotting down the snide comment they're going to leave, as well as a variety of ways to slowly kill my spirit using only a nail file and a light exfoliating product.
I hate 10 year-old girls. Exclamation point.
I've officially given up on MySpace. After it deleted these 2 bitchin' posts that I wrote I totally dumped that sucka'. He was a dick anyway. So yah...
Did I ever tell you about that time I ran a dog into a pole?... No?... Ok.
Oh, and I'm going to a medical leadership forum dilly thing/Michigan for the next 2 weeks or so.
Arrivederci. (Translation: A whale's vagina)
Saw "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"... it was... special. I'm glad that I went to see it, but I don't plan on becoming a member of the cult/fan club any time soon. The music was delightfully sinister and the set was... Tim Burton-y. And the rest was crap! No. I kid. Oompa Loompa choreography definitely went up a few notches. But the rest was crap! No. It wasn't really crap. It was at more of a pre-crap level where it's had all of the nutrients extracted from it by the small intestine but was still making its way up the ascending colon.
Anyway...
Why you have to go ruin my low-budget semi-successful 70's acid trip of a movie? Huh? Who you think you are? You think you Jesus or Oprah or someting? *Bitch slaps self out of "exaggerated foreign accent" mode*. Seriously, I want my Wilder back. I want my Wilder and his unkempt hair and his wily ways and his shameless acts of slave labor and the part at the end where everything in the room is sliced in half and no one really gets it, but it's ok because it was the 70's, man.
P.S. Did anyone else feel like the Willy Wonka in the new movie was going to reach out of the screen and touch some unsuspecting 8 year-old boy in his "bathing suit region"?
But I'm not done yet!
Ok. Yes I am.
... not!
Hahahaha... eh... he... I need to stop hanging out with 6 year-olds. For that is what I have become... *dramatic moment*... the "baby-sitter". I hang out with younglings and keep them from cutting up leather couches and breaking pianos and killing themselves. And after they have left, their whining still lingers in my mind, weaving its wicked way over my myelin insulation and I find myself saying things like "dude" and "sweet" and... "wicked". And then I rip my small intestine out of my belly button and fashion myself a trusty noose.
And now I volunteer at the SPCA. Which is delightfully rewarding. It gives me a greater respect for all of God's creatures... as well as the copious amounts of feces that come out of that place everyday. By the bucket. By the wheel barrow. Everyday! And of course the waste water treatment plant is only a stone's throw away! Oh sweet irony, take me home!
And women are evil. Ok. All people are a little bit evil (regardless of gender, race, etc. etc.), but women can take the act of plotting and backstabbing to a whole new level. For us, it is an art. And then there's the gaggle of women-folk reading this right now, and reassuring themselves that I am wrong and attention-starved and just pulling shit out of the air. And they're right! But they're also jotting down the snide comment they're going to leave, as well as a variety of ways to slowly kill my spirit using only a nail file and a light exfoliating product.
I hate 10 year-old girls. Exclamation point.
I've officially given up on MySpace. After it deleted these 2 bitchin' posts that I wrote I totally dumped that sucka'. He was a dick anyway. So yah...
Did I ever tell you about that time I ran a dog into a pole?... No?... Ok.
Oh, and I'm going to a medical leadership forum dilly thing/Michigan for the next 2 weeks or so.
Arrivederci. (Translation: A whale's vagina)
Friday, July 15, 2005
So here's what Lisa thinks...
... as if anyone gave a shit.
In the past few weeks I have noticed the subject of dating being thrown back and forth across the "blogosphere" (oh yeah... I went there). And so I decided to shove my two sense into the ring FOR THE WORD OF THE LISA IS TRULY ONE OF UTMOST OMNIPOTENCE AND VELOCITUDINALITY AND SHALL BE DECLARED AS SUCH HITHER AND THITHER FOR ALL OF INTERMINABLENESS AND ET CETERA *cough*
I agree that it's hard to see a point to it until you've actually met that someone who does that thing for you, but then again dating in highschool... yah, it's a joke. Let's all just take a moment to point and laugh at it.
I'm going to try to make this as brief and vague as possible, otherwise I'm going to start getting long-winded which only leads to mushy-ness which will indubitably bring on the sticky-ness which will eventually leave me hugging myself and weeping silently in front of some long ass emotional splooging that no one will ever read.
Commence...
Friendship is always the foundation. Don't even try and tell me that it's not, because I will beat you. I will beat you like the red-headed stepchild that you are on the inside. I will beat you like the ugly stray dog that wonders around the neighborhood with feces matted in its coat. Just know... I will beat you. What was I saying?
Physical shit is important. More important than people dare to give it credit for because we're all afraid that someones going to point their finger and cry "slut". But I don't care, because you know what? A relationship with steamy make out sessions in public places and shameless groping may prove to be fleeting, but it's a hell of a lot more fun than any deep platonic connection I've ever had.
Loyalty is a big thing too. It's almost like you own them... except for the fact that they own you right back. Hmm... I probably should have thought that one through a bit. Eh... fuck it.
So... what have we learned today?
-Lisa can't support her arguments
-Lisa can't think her arguments through
-Love/dating/relationships have grown into something too vague to be summed by one person. (Especially when that person is me.)
In the past few weeks I have noticed the subject of dating being thrown back and forth across the "blogosphere" (oh yeah... I went there). And so I decided to shove my two sense into the ring FOR THE WORD OF THE LISA IS TRULY ONE OF UTMOST OMNIPOTENCE AND VELOCITUDINALITY AND SHALL BE DECLARED AS SUCH HITHER AND THITHER FOR ALL OF INTERMINABLENESS AND ET CETERA *cough*
I agree that it's hard to see a point to it until you've actually met that someone who does that thing for you, but then again dating in highschool... yah, it's a joke. Let's all just take a moment to point and laugh at it.
I'm going to try to make this as brief and vague as possible, otherwise I'm going to start getting long-winded which only leads to mushy-ness which will indubitably bring on the sticky-ness which will eventually leave me hugging myself and weeping silently in front of some long ass emotional splooging that no one will ever read.
Commence...
Friendship is always the foundation. Don't even try and tell me that it's not, because I will beat you. I will beat you like the red-headed stepchild that you are on the inside. I will beat you like the ugly stray dog that wonders around the neighborhood with feces matted in its coat. Just know... I will beat you. What was I saying?
Physical shit is important. More important than people dare to give it credit for because we're all afraid that someones going to point their finger and cry "slut". But I don't care, because you know what? A relationship with steamy make out sessions in public places and shameless groping may prove to be fleeting, but it's a hell of a lot more fun than any deep platonic connection I've ever had.
Loyalty is a big thing too. It's almost like you own them... except for the fact that they own you right back. Hmm... I probably should have thought that one through a bit. Eh... fuck it.
So... what have we learned today?
-Lisa can't support her arguments
-Lisa can't think her arguments through
-Love/dating/relationships have grown into something too vague to be summed by one person. (Especially when that person is me.)
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Saturday, July 02, 2005
"Oh... you touch my tralala ...mmm my ding ding dong."
Lyrics of a swedish porn king... don't ask.
College is done. Which means sleep... lots and lots of sleep. Sleep like you don't wake up until 11 and then you stay in bed for another couple of hours just contemplating shit and then you get up to pee and then you come back to bed and fall asleep again. Good stuff. But I must say, I'm fairly certain I've learned more about economics in a month at BC than I would in a life time from Wild Bill. Woot for knowledge!
Went gallavanting with Marissa on Tuesday... which was refreshing, except for that one part when she was pulling out into traffic on Dixie and laughing and shifting gears all at the same time. There was much jolting and screaming... but all is well. Crowded cars... caffiene... and random acts of urination. Joy!
Washed some pussies and weiners with Jordan on Wednesday...which is to say we gave his pets a bath... the black weiner was the biggest. Then went to Chili's and stuffed face with bean burga'. Don't know why I felt like including this. Maybe so I could crack my gentalia joke. I am sooooooooooo funny! You should stop reading... really, the rest isn't going to get much better.
Thursday... went on beauty binge with Jeff. Which was most convenient for of late I have had the urge to smell like coconuts (the shredded stuff in the pantry doesn't give me quite the effect I'm looking for). I bought some lotion and 3 bars of soap. COCONUT!!! and basked in the beach blonde beauty that is Mr. Rouse *shakes fist at Jeff for being so pretty*.
Oh! and War of the Worlds. Which scared the shit out of me.
P.S. I hate Tom Cruise.
Lauer forever!
And Ronald Reagan in the The Greatest American... EVER!!!! *jizz for tax cuts that did nothing but decrease government revenues and build up the defecit* Sure... Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and shit... but JIIIIZZZZZZZZZZzZZZZZ!Xsk!h;ZSDcunt.
*Exhale*
Went to the Galleria/Bennigan's with the Hetero-Life-Partner Trio (Ryan, Jordan, and David) today. Discovered His Majesty King Gunther of the Realm of Swedish Porn... and over-priced rich-people clothing... and the Monte Cristo. Oh, the Monte Cristo. Essentially, it is a turkey and swiss cheese sandwich fried to golden perfection and served with a side of french fries and a pickle spear. In actuality, it is 888.5 calories of sandwich fried to golden perfection and served with a side of french fries and a pickle spear. Yum! Neither David nor Jordan could finish it off (which was the main objective of the meal) and both have been labeled "less of a man" until further notice.
Wow. I hate posts like this... dammit.
College is done. Which means sleep... lots and lots of sleep. Sleep like you don't wake up until 11 and then you stay in bed for another couple of hours just contemplating shit and then you get up to pee and then you come back to bed and fall asleep again. Good stuff. But I must say, I'm fairly certain I've learned more about economics in a month at BC than I would in a life time from Wild Bill. Woot for knowledge!
Went gallavanting with Marissa on Tuesday... which was refreshing, except for that one part when she was pulling out into traffic on Dixie and laughing and shifting gears all at the same time. There was much jolting and screaming... but all is well. Crowded cars... caffiene... and random acts of urination. Joy!
Washed some pussies and weiners with Jordan on Wednesday...which is to say we gave his pets a bath... the black weiner was the biggest. Then went to Chili's and stuffed face with bean burga'. Don't know why I felt like including this. Maybe so I could crack my gentalia joke. I am sooooooooooo funny! You should stop reading... really, the rest isn't going to get much better.
Thursday... went on beauty binge with Jeff. Which was most convenient for of late I have had the urge to smell like coconuts (the shredded stuff in the pantry doesn't give me quite the effect I'm looking for). I bought some lotion and 3 bars of soap. COCONUT!!! and basked in the beach blonde beauty that is Mr. Rouse *shakes fist at Jeff for being so pretty*.
Oh! and War of the Worlds. Which scared the shit out of me.
P.S. I hate Tom Cruise.
Lauer forever!
And Ronald Reagan in the The Greatest American... EVER!!!! *jizz for tax cuts that did nothing but decrease government revenues and build up the defecit* Sure... Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and shit... but JIIIIZZZZZZZZZZzZZZZZ!Xsk!h;ZSDcunt.
*Exhale*
Went to the Galleria/Bennigan's with the Hetero-Life-Partner Trio (Ryan, Jordan, and David) today. Discovered His Majesty King Gunther of the Realm of Swedish Porn... and over-priced rich-people clothing... and the Monte Cristo. Oh, the Monte Cristo. Essentially, it is a turkey and swiss cheese sandwich fried to golden perfection and served with a side of french fries and a pickle spear. In actuality, it is 888.5 calories of sandwich fried to golden perfection and served with a side of french fries and a pickle spear. Yum! Neither David nor Jordan could finish it off (which was the main objective of the meal) and both have been labeled "less of a man" until further notice.
Wow. I hate posts like this... dammit.
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