The Bitch's Last Stand

I just wanted to play piano. That's all I wanted. I wake up at 6:30 everyday and trek off to an eight o'clock class. And I always get there on time. And I've only missed one class over the course of 3 semesters of school, and I all I want to fucking do is play piano. And I can't. Because the people that don't go to class and sit around the dorm all day smoking weed and watching family guy are playing Guitar Hero in the same room. And they'll be there all weekend, just eating chips and playing Guitar Hero and amplifying my own awareness of how shitty my life is right now.

And I lost my umbrella. Which is probably the worst possible thing that could ever happen to a person living in Ithaca in November.

I hate the fact that I have been physically unable to cry for the past 3 weeks. The tears won't come out when I need them to. Yet the day they finally do come, my roommate has decided to skip her only class for the day in her ridiculously easy course load so that she can sit in front of her computer and watch anime. And hinder her roommate's ability to bawl into her pillow during the one hour of free time that she has for the day.

I hate that one of the few times that I'm actually genuinely upset over the course of the year, I get overshadowed by the petty, pissy, fucking cunt cunt bitch drama of some other girl in the eyes of the person who should be consoling me. Because aloof assholes who can't see things for what they really are even when they're 10 inches away from it, and it's metaphorically punching them in the face with hints and guestures and alludings.

I need to throw something.

I'm not dead! (... sort of...)

It is true. I am still alive for your looking, listening, and tasting pleasure. I'm 48 hours out of miserably bombing an organic chemistry prelim, and am finally starting to feel better. I've stopped sporadically hyperventalating, which I'm going to guess is generally a good thing.

It took me a good 45 seconds to come up with a title for this post, because everything I could think of I've used before. Which makes me wonder how much of this blog is actually new, interesting information and how much of it is just me going through the same motions over and over and over again. The blog hath been saturated and my well is running dry. I'm blaming college...

... which is really starting to get quite interesting. I'm starting to narrow down my focus on what I want to do with my life (something with health, something international, something that does not involve me in a lab for 5 hours a day hunched over a microscope/pipet/petri dish). I feel like I've told everything this already, but I'm looking at getting a global health minor added to my Human, Biology, Health, and Society major which will officially give me the world's longest and most pompous sounding degree in the world. Which is totally what I'm here for.

The global health minor would involve me going to Ecuador either this summer or the Fall semester of next year which both frightens and excites me.

This semester I've been pledging to a co-ed service fraternity (Alpha Phi Omega). I don't really remember why I wanted to do this, but in a week or so, I'll be done with my requirements and will be declared a "brother". "Brother Lisa", they will call me, sexist bastards...

It's nice to do community service again. It reminds you that there is a world outside of classes and the library afterall. It also reminds you why you hate people from the east coast so much.

It's not all the people.... mostly just the girls... mostly just the girls that when asked to rake leaves to clean up the grounds of some charitable program will still find reasons to whine about the entire situation. Frankly, it's kind of astounding to hear the stories of people from the city who have only raked leaves once before in their life because they grew up without a yard to take care of. It kind of makes you want to pity and punch them in the face all at the same time. Because you're a terrible person with no morals and very little compassion.

I've also been taking a pottery class (again, no idea how many people I've told) on the side. It was one of those compuslive hobbies that I have a bad habit of picking up... but I did it anyway, dammit! I'm pretty terrible at the whole thing, but every one in a while something nice will come off the wheel that doesn't collapse in on itself. And that's a good feeling. Plus, you get to play in really expensive mud and not be judged by society. Again, good feelings.

Leo (guinea pig) eats his own feces. I read somewhere that all guinea pigs do it and I understand the biological reasons behind his actions (retention of B vitamins), but the other day when I actually saw him do it, it was kinda nasty. Now I just can't look at him the same way. It's been awkward between us ever since.

Classes are good (I'll be balancing out a few C's with a few A's this semester; that is the plan). Social life is good. My roommate has a lot of hair that she tends to leave in every imagineable place in our room, but other than that, she's okay. I'm hoping to make a venture down to LJ sometime in early January... so exciting.

I'm contemplating calling up Regina Spektor and asking her to marry me. I shall woo her with my saavy phone skills and my promises of love and beautiful life together.

Oh! I'm sick right now. I have this lovely cough that just screams bronchitis and my lymph nodes are the size of golf balls!... okay, not really. They're more like peanut M&M's, but still, I have creative rights.

The weather took a sudden turn for fucking freezing sometime a few weeks ago. If you were going to classify how people react to the cold (person who doesn't notice, person who still can't figure out how to dress, person who over-dresses), I would fall into the category of "person who is constantly whining about how cold it is". I can't help it. It's just so damn cold... should have gone to UT...

And that's all... I have to say... ever.

"Nunca creí en la felicidad"

For the past 36 hours I have been listening non-stop to Julieta Venegas. Her feel-good songs make me feel all warm and nummy inside.

Nuuuuummmmmmmmmy.

(I.O.U. one in-depth and extensive life update. Just let me get through this week alive first.)

I feel sick.

Really really... sick.