Of Bitches and Their Sisters

I don't normally like to bestow much pity on others (it encourages weakness). But I would like to give an ample helping (in advance) to the man that marries my sister.

Kudos to you, my future brother-in-law. And good luck with that.

...and a very merry Christmas to you as well also.

I am the ultimate Scrooge.

That is all.

Knitting

Yes, knitting. You heard me. I dare you to go double-check your reading of that title... go ahead. I'll wait. *waits*

Actually, it's really not that surprising that I've taken up yet another "Fling Hobby". I like to round myself out like that. Rooooouuuunnnnddddeeeeddd. It makes me feel like maybe I'm a complex, multi-layered young women. Some other projects of the past that have added to this layering include:
-crochet
-latch hook rug...ging
-jewelry making
-sand arting
-Creepy Crawler creationing
-wood burning
-paper making
-clothes pin doll fashioning

Basically, any children's craft that you can name, I've done. Except pipecleaners... I never understood those.

So this month, it's knitting. Which, I must say is the most peaceful hobby that I've ever encountered. You start out with some fuzzy colorful yarn that makes you happy and you put some loops on a needle. In the beginning, you anticipate this perfect creation worthy of any "Better Homes & Gardens" cover. You keep track of tension, stitches, and the state of your yarn. But then you start thinking...

I wonder what the people that I know and love would think if they saw me knitting right now. Maybe I should try to be more like that Jewish girl who knits gracefully in her lap during chemistry lecture. Man, Jewish people are fun. What was the name of that movie with Barbara Streisand as the Jewish boy who was actually a Jewish girl at Jewish camp... or something. I wonder if she knits. Probably not. I wonder what she's doing right now. Does it matter? I'm going to waste my youth away sitting on this couch knitting this... this thing. But that's ok. Youth is a little over rated. Why should I be out "partying it up" against my will? Why can't I just be aware of my good health and naively optimistic perspective and enjoy it for what it is? That's what youth is: basking in etopian ignorance while the misery that is life looms over your head, teetering like one of those pianos in every 1930's cartoon ever made that happens to be suspended by a single rope right over a busy sidewalk. Yes!!! *revelation splooge*

And then you realize that the scarf you were making is shaped like a kidney and there's a peice of bacon all tangled up in part of it.

I wonder what a revelation splooge looks like... *wonders*. More importantly, what does a revelation splooge smell like? Eh? Eh?!

(I was going to do something more heartwarming and festive, but it just didn't do justice to the persona that is Lester.)