So I was thinking about girls the other day... like the crazy would-be lesbian that I will someday aspire to be... and I realized something (otherwise, I wouldn't be blogging about this). (Most) girls don't want to fall in love or find Mr. Right or settle down in a nice home, make babies, and take Valium all day long, oh no. We just want to be admired. We all want to be that unreachable heroine with nerves of steel and a chastity belt of wit. We lead people on that we know we'll never be interested in. We let them swoon and hope and get frustrated and then we cut them off just when they're about discover us for the dull simpletons that we truly are. And we move our happy caravan of flirtation onto the next unfortunate soul. Such is the way of the Cock-tease.
...or maybe that's just me...
...that's probably just me...
Does anyone else feel like maybe women have lost a lot of the mystery they once held? When I think of a "sexy woman", I think Audrey Hepburn and Ginger Rogers and Melly and Scarlett (who were both sexy in their own ways). Maybe it's because I've been stuck in the "college experience" for a while now, but I just don't understand how spandex and short skirts are sexy. They may be sexually arrousing, but they aren't sexy. At least by my standards. Someone who knows when to talk and when to listen. That's sexy. Knowing the difference between "classy"and "trendy". Hot. Wearing as little clothing as possible and throwing all your inhibitions into a dixie cup of cheap beer... not so much.
The moral of this story, children, is if you want to get into Lisa's pants... *draws a blank*... shit, I don't even know how to get into my own pants. If anyone figures it out, let me know...
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4 comments:
The key is simple: Dedicate 100% of your time and effort into loving her. Listen to her, be there for her, comfort her, put her above all else, protect her, accompany her, be deep and understanding, be calm, be very humorous, be completely considerate of her feelings and become her loyal subject. Be her friend, treat her as if she was glass and one wrong move would break her, sacrifice for her, be sensitive, be completely reliable. She must be the only female in your life. Without her you're nothing. If she angers you, forgive her immediately. If she makes you happy, let her know. Fear her, love her, adore her, respect her. She's a goddess and you're but a lowly monk. Don't be an ass, don't insult her, don't anger her, don't hate her, don't give her a reason to hate you. Treat her as you would like her to be treated by others. Don't push her to do things she doesn't want to do: if she says no, she means no i.e. smoke, drink, etc.. Suck up every ounce of pride you have and toss it out the window. Be willing to change. Be willing to commmit. Be willing to be seen as her shadow. Do what you say you'll do, no matter how small the task may be. Ah, ah... Running out of breath... (I type with my lungs)
That doesn't seem healthy...
It shoudn't be that way.
Caught my breath. You must be imaginative, creative, interesting, out of the ordinary. You must be patient, honest, hard-working, and affectionate in private and in public. Give her back rubs, foot massages, favors. Even if you're the biggest, smartest, strongest person in the world, even if you can crush skulls with two fingers, you are hers, you are her tool. She can use you as she sees fit. Submit to her, unless she doesn't want you to.
Be the type that isn't afraid to listen to Coldplay, isn't afraid to meow like a kitty, isn't afraid to sing, dance, or giggle like a little school girl. Don't dominate her. Don't be a spoiled, pompous, womanizing jerk. Care for her as if she were sick. Hold her hand in public. Make her laugh. Make her smile. Make her feel like she has meaning in her life. She's number one. She's the queen, the empress, the ruler, the dictator. No matter what your standing is, she's superior to you.
Be of strong character. Be tough. Be her south pole. Be her foundation. Be her life support. Be the beast. She's the beauty. Be a fighter. Be a lover. Don't be her bitch, saying "Yes ma'am." constantly. Don't look desperate. Don't be cowardly. You may feel superior to everyone else but, when it comes to her, she's above you.
Above all else... be yourself. Your true self. Not the one you use to pick up women. Not the one you use around your friends. The everyday you. The way you would act if you were alone in a room with no one to see you.
Aww, Oskar's so sweet. And see, for me at least, the whole point of being a cock-tease is to see which ones will keep trying. 'Cause they're dedicated and probably worth your time. So yeah. *teases cock*
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